


Drowning

by Ancki



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: 221B Baker Street, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Panic Attacks, Stress Relief, mild depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-04 18:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4147743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ancki/pseuds/Ancki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you can´t see the surface anymore, are you too deep down to go back up?</p><p> </p><p>John is feeling a bit down, alone and generally depressed. What will Sherlock do, to save his friend from drowning?</p><p>written on a moody day WIP ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Into the water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, that I am from Germany ;) so….my english might not be as good at times. I try to get beta readers, but they´re hard to find :(

The water was pouring down like rain. John sat in the bathtub, the shower turned up as hot as it could possibly go. He then heard someone knocking on the bathroom door but did not bother to say a word, or to even turn his head.

 

Lost in thought he watched as the water formed little drops on his skin, they grew bigger and bigger until finally they ran down.

 

For another few minutes, which could have been hours that went by without him noticing it, nothing happened. He just sat there his knees drawn in, his head down and the hot water running over his shoulders and back.

 

Then he heard the knocking again and a few seconds after, Sherlock entered the room.

 

“John?” He asked but nothing. So he tried again “John? I don’t mean to interrupt, but you´ve been in here for almost an hour. I…got worried, so I just went in. I hope you don´t mind. After all I have seen human bodies often enough to…John?” the detective was a bit startled by the lack of reaction.

 

Sherlock crouched down in front of the tub his friend was sitting in, still seemingly not noticing his presence. When he reached out for Johns shoulder, the man before him literally jumped, when he touched him. The doctor then looked Sherlock in the eyes, as if to make sure it was really who he though it was, while covering himself with his hands.

 

“No need to cover yourself John. I have seen it already” Sherlock said and John’s ears went a bright shade of red. “What are you doing in here Sherlock?” The doctor wanted to know. 

 

Sherlock straightened himself again, pulled his suit jacket down a bit and said, “well, I told you! You have been in here for a bit over an hour and I got worried. Also we have a case so if you want to come, I suggest you get dressed soon” He then turned and left.

 

When John did not show up a few minutes later, Sherlock took of without him. He was irritated of course but did not have the time to wait any longer.

 

Knowing, that his friend was gone, John went up the stairs to his room. When he reached it, he shut the door, locked it and curled himself up in a ball on his bed.

 

He wanted to be as small as he could possibly be. And he had no idea why. Somewhere inside him, there was something, that felt as heavy as a mountain and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get rid of it.


	2. Diving deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe diving in deeper will make it easier, to get out.
> 
> Is John himself again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here its is, the second chapter. I want to thank you all for reading and commenting the first, I was really happy to see all the kudos and read the comments. I hope you like the second one as much.

 

John soon drifted off into a dreamless sleep. Still curled up tight and on top of the covers.

 

He was still asleep, when Sherlock came home. And he also did not notice his friend entering his room,covering him with a blanket and leaving again.

 

When he woke up later, the feeling of something heavy in his chest had not subsided. John sighed heavily, got up and went down the flight of stairs to the living room, where Sherlock sat in his armchair.

He turned his head towards the door when he heard John´s footsteps on the stairs.

 

“Sleep well?” the detective wanted to know. “Not really, no” John replied and made his way to the kitchen.

 

Some time later he sat down in his chair with a cup of tea but instead of drinking it, he just watched the smooth surface of the liquid inside the white porcelain cup.

 

“Are you” Sherlock began, “feeling alright?” John just nodded. No ‘yes’ no ‘no’, just a nod. 

 

 _Unusual,_ Sherlock thought but he let it go, without saying another word.  

 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A few days went by in which John, as Sherlock thought, was his old self again. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. They solved two cases in one day, something of which Sherlock was overly proud. But John seemed to think less of it.

 

When they arrived home he just sat down on the sofa and said “I think I´ll call in sick at work today”. A statement, at which Sherlock´s eyebrows furrowed, John had never called in sick when he wasn't, no matter how exhausted he was. He usually liked his work and would never stay away from it, for whatever reason.

 

“Are you sick?” Sherlock wanted to know. “No, I´m not. Just…tired” John replied.

 

He then got up and headed for the kitchen. Whilst walking there, he asked “would you like a cuppa?” Sherlock nodded. A gesture, which John was unable to see but he knew the answer to his question before he had asked.

 

The sound of something hitting the floor and shattering into pieces, made Sherlock jump off his chair and practically sprint the short distance to the kitchen.

 

John stood there, his gaze upon the broken mug on the floor. Some of the small, sharp pieces were still jiggling about.

 

He crouched down to pick up the broken, and now useless piece of china. Wordlessly he took a few of the shards in hand. But when Sherlock crouched down, too he said, “leave it, I'll clean up this mess” in a sharp tone, Sherlock had never heard John use before. Not on him at least. 

 

When he reached out John snapped. “Leave them, I said!” His hand abruptly closing, droplets of blood hitting the floor.

 

“Oh” He then said, opening his hand, letting the pieces fall to the ground again.

 

“Great! Now you're bleeding!” Sherlock said in a sarcastic tone of voice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you´ve made it to read these words, thank you for taking the time to read my story. The second chapter did not have the best feeling to it. Feel free to leave a comment though. Also I am sorry for any mistakes. 
> 
> Like I said in the first chapter, English is not my first language and all I know I've learned, from watching Sherlock and other TV Shows, or taught myself. I´ll update the third chapter soon. If you´d like to read more, that is.
> 
> I have to admit, that I only write this story, when I need something to let off steam because it gets too much. Since that is at the moment often the case, I guess the it will continue for quite some chapters. 
> 
> Again thanks for being a part of it by reading, commenting and giving kudos :)


	3. Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock notices that there is something wrong with his friend and flatmate. But can he find out what it is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, and welcome back! 
> 
> I am sorry for taking so long! And also for adding just this short chapter :( I still hope you like it though. 
> 
> There will be more, soon. I promise! ;) 
> 
> let me know what you think! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock or any of the characters! Sadly……:P

A few moments later, they sat opposite each other at the kitchen table.

 

John´s hand was wrapped in a towel. Once in a while, a drop of blood found its way out of the makeshift bandage and fell to the floor.

 

They just sat there, not looking at each other, not saying a single word.

 

Trying to break the silence, Sherlock said, “Show me your hand” and held his own hand out in John´s direction. 

 

The doctor shook his head “I´m fine “ he said, his head bowed.

 

“Tell me what´s wrong with you at least. Please John, I am worried!”

 

“There is nothing wrong with me, Sherlock!” John practically shouted.

 

“You should know by now, _John!_ That you can not hide things like these from me!” Sherlock replied, trying to sound less angry and less disappointed than he actually was.

 

“I don´t want to talk about it, alright?” John still was not looking at his friend.

 

Instead of trying to convince him otherwise, Sherlock took Johns hand in his own and started to unwrap the towel.

 

“Sherlock I told you, I ..ahh…careful, please! Sherlock…ow…Sherlock please let go!” John cried out. 

 

“NO! JOHN!” Sherlock shouted “You´re going to sit still and let me take a look at your hand!”

 

John let Sherlock keep his hand without complaining further, his mouth agape. He got hold of himself again and said, “You´re angry…”

 

“Brilliant deduction, Doctor!” Sherlock said, while he rewrapped the towel around John´s hand. He then got up and went up the stairs to the second bedroom of their flat.

 

John just sat at the table, his heart beating fast. He had never seen his friend this angry. It just added to the weight he was already feeling in his chest.

 

Sherlock came back seconds later and put something on the floor next to the chair he´d been sitting in before he left, John identified it as his medical bag.

 

“I´m sorry…” John said quietly “I just…I….”

 

Sherlock looked up and saw tears forming droplets on the tip of John´s nose before they fell down, one drop after the other, into his lab, where John´s jeans absorbed them instantly.

 


	4. A way out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally John tells his friend what is bothering him…but will the other understand?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the fourth chapter of "Drowning" you might have noticed that it took me a while to write this chapter, due to us moving I simply did not have the time to write or even think about writing :( 
> 
> But enough of me! Hope you like the chapter! Enjoy…

The sight of John like this, made Sherlock´s heart drop. He sighed and said “John…please, what´s wrong? Tell me.”

 

John did not make an attempt to wipe the tears off of his face. “I just can´t do it anymore Sherlock” He stammered.

 

“You can´t do what anymore...?” Sherlock wanted to know.

 

“This! All of it! My Job, Afghanistan-aftermath, running around London with you. Especially running around London with you! It´s all too much! I can´t bear it. Every morning I wake up as tired as I went to bed. I can´t sleep, I can´t think. Even tough my head is filled with stuff I have to think about. I barely have any time for normal things.  I want to break free but can´t, not without hurting anyone. The things we do Sherlock. I can´t help but think, that our next case might be our last. Because we might get killed, or hurt, or kidnapped. You mean too much! I was so alone and I owe you so much! I can´t…I can´t…loose you again!”

 

John was at the edge of hyperventilating now, the tears falling without hold. And he was looking directly into Sherlock´s blue-grey eyes.

 

And they stared back at him.

 

Sherlock stared, not sure what to do or what to say. Was John going to leave? He could not loose John, not John, never John.

 

Instead of saying something, Sherlock took the still shaking doctor in his arms.

 

They stayed like this for a long time. Chairs opposite each other, Sherlock´s arms tightly wrapped around his friend, his cheek pressing into John´s blond hair and one hand holding his head, while John cried without hold against Sherlock´s shoulder.

 

John´s arms hanging limb on either side of his body, one hand still wrapped in the blood soaked towel.

 

He cried and cried for what seemed like forever. Every minute tore at Sherlock´s heart. “Shhhh…” He said once in a while, stroking John´s back.

 

When John had stopped crying, because he had no tears left to shed, Sherlock slowly let go of him.  He then took hold of his injured hand again and made quick work of cleaning and bandaging the wound, which was not deep enough to require stitches.

 

“Are you...feeling better now?” He asked, breaking the silence.

 

John nodded. “I´m sorry it´s just….I don´t know how to explain it. It´s all so much, so many little things adding in. I should not have let myself go like this. Wont happen again. Promise.”

 

“John,” Sherlock said “please, I beg you don´t hide things like this from me! I hate to see you like this! You are my friend, my only friend to be honest. I want to know if you´re scared, I want to know if you are sad or depressed, so I can help! I don´t want you to leave. I can´t loose you either”

 

John looked down at his bandaged hand. “Thanks” He said, as if he had not heard what his friend had just told him. 

 

Sherlock did not argue, “What are you going to do?...Will you….leave?” He wanted to know.

 

John shook his head “I could never leave you. But about the rest, I don´t know yet. Something has to change, I just….I don´t know what.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So..this is it…what did you think? Not sure if I will come up with an idea for the next chapter soon…I hope I will because I do enjoy the feedback I get from you guys! Thanks for that! 
> 
> See ya all soon! Cheers!
> 
>  
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I still don´t own any of the characters…:(

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think about the first chapter? I knew it is a short one still I wanted to publish it, because there is more to come:) 
> 
> And sadly I do not own Sherlock or the original books by Arthur Conan Doyle. I just…sorta..borrowed….;)


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